Once again I was looking for an item and finally asked my wife about its location. Once again she gave me a location to look. I looked and stated that it was not there. My wife got out of her chair and walked directly to the location she mention and picked the item up. Man looking strikes again. So I am putting this blog out from one of the chapters in my book
One morning I watched the wind moving the large trees back and forth. I’m always amazed how these tall giants still bend with the wind. That is something that I hope I have learned to do. The wind in my case is the circumstances and scenarios presented to me daily. I stand strong with many ideals and principles; I also find that I must bend with the wind on certain occasions. I think that being in a relationship, marriage, require that you bend with the wind and remain strong.
I feel strongly about my ability to accomplish both complicated and simple tasks. This last week I had to find a letter that I had received from the Veterans Administration about my disability. So I began my search looking through every place that my wife and I store important documents. After about an hour of searching I realized that I needed some help from my wife. My wife was away taking care of her sick sister, so I had to call her on the phone and asked if she knew where the letter was at. I listened as she went through a list of places to search. And I felt good in telling her that I had already looked there. Finally, she was positive that it was in a certain file. So, I searched the file again and did not find the letter. I was able to go to the Internet and use the government resources to get a copy of the letter that I needed.
Several days after my wife had returned home, she decided to look for that letter. And she found it exactly in the file she said it was going to be in. Earlier, she had also described to me that the letter may have been folded. Well that is exactly the condition it was in. Once again, I looked in a location and came up empty. My condition had been called, “man looking”. This condition describes how a man can look for something and not find it. Then directly after that his wife will look in the same area and find the item. I do not know if this condition is part of my DNA or a tradition handed down from my father. But I’m sure many of you have been there when the man will ask: honey, wear are my glasses? Or something like: have you seen my wallet, or have you seen the keys to the car? I could go on and on. And many times, the wife will answer: did you look next to the refrigerator or on the nightstand. The man would say, yes, I looked there. Then after a few more minutes of the man searching and calling out to his wife if she knows where something is at, the wife will go directly to the spot she mentioned before and find the item. This scenario can many times get worse because a man gets angry when the wife finds the item. Also, there are sometimes when the wife gets angry when she finds the item which is usually handed to the man with “the look”. This condition is something that moms are used to. As they raise their children they are constantly asked about where something is at. Do we ask the wife or mom about where something is at because were lazy or because she will know where the item is at and we don’t? Whatever the reason I imagine this condition will continue to happen for generations to come. I think that when I was first introduced to the term “man looking” I was a little offended. But like the trees that bend with the wind, I have learned to accept the term without hesitation and still ask my wife where something is at. I would like to say that when it comes to my tools in my shop I know where they are at. But that’s not the truth. I know that the tools are somewhere in the shop and I usually begin my search by starting at one location and going 360° around in my search. I must say that I do this dance in my shop more than several times a day. Since my wife does not go out into the shop very often it would be futile to ask her where my tools are at. So, my shop is a safe zone for “man looking”, it can happen, and no one know the better.
I’m sure there are many of you out there who experience this condition. And at some point, in time either you or your spouse has got a little angry about “man looking”. My thought on this is that somehow the male species has this condition, maybe, from the environment that he grew up in. My parents were part of America’s greatest generation. Where men went off to work and the woman stayed at home and raised the children. The condition of the house on the inside was the woman’s responsibility and the condition of the house on the outside was a man’s responsibility. Therefore, while I was growing up I heard my dad continually ask my mom where something was at. And without fail mom would find it and bring it to him. This all seemed natural to me while growing up. But the environment these days in a household is not the same as it was back then after World War II. In many of the households both parents worked. But I think the same condition still occurs when a man is looking for an item. The wife still seems to be the best person at finding those lost items. I use the term lost because the man cannot find it and therefore considers that it is lost. The reality is that the item is not lost but maybe the man is.
My thought on this is to just learn to live with it. Do not become angry because you are accused of “man looking”. Just realize it is something that you are probably preconditioned to man look. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t try to do better, but don’t get angry when it happens. And to those many wives: try to live with this condition. Please be patient and continue to be understanding when you find those items. Still looking Pops.