All I want for Christmas is a Taser

All I want for Christmas is a Taser. It’s the kind of personal protection that I could use for this time in my life. I turn 70 years old this year and as much as I do not wish to admit it, my physical capabilities are diminishing. It would be nice to have an equalizer that is not lethal when I am at home or out and about in the world. There has been a lot of road rage deaths this Christmas season. Many men of my age already carry a gun. But in my mind, it would be a lot more effective if I use the Taser instead of a gun.
A Taser would be handy when there is a road rage incident that is about to become a physical altercation. You have seen it; some guy gets angry that you are driving too slow and he begins to yell and shout at you while flipping you off. Then when you are at a stoplight this angry Tasmanian devil jumps out of his car and starts toward you. Your initial reaction may be to jump out of your car and engage the person in a verbal confrontation. This usually leads to a physical altercation. And guess what at 70 years old you’re probably going to lose the fight. Wouldn’t it be nice to reach down and pull out a Taser? To begin with this Star Wars like Taser is an impressive site by itself. And it would be very effective in an effort to stop his advance to sending the Tasmanian devil walking toward you to the ground where he begins to twist and jerk or as I used to call it, do the funky chicken.
Wouldn’t a Taser be nice to have when you are trying to enjoy your grandson or granddaughter’s ballgame and a parent from the other team begins to yell at your grandchildren and the officials and then cussed at you and anyone near you. At 70 you may want to try and reason with the parent. That usually doesn’t work but it gives time for a woman from the other team and her friends to jump in and join the aggressor who is up into your face. Most times, the action on the side line stands spills over into the playing field and many of the young team members get into a fight. Wouldn’t it be nice when that inebriated first parent walks up to you and threatens to kick your ass, you pull out your Taser and send 50,000 Watts into that drunk asshole? Now the attention would be on his funky chicken dance as you move to a safer place.
Wouldn’t it be nice to use a Taser at a place where you’ve been standing in line for hours and then some fat angry person walks around the line and cuts into the front of the line. When you remind the person that they have cut into the line, they begin to yell at you and push you aside because you are a seventy year-old man. Wouldn’t it be nice to use the Taser and stop the yelling ass hole in their tracks, while explaining out loud that you are in fear of your life in great bodily harm from this fat nasty man or woman. Of course, you cannot carry a Taser at the airport but other places could be OK.
Wouldn’t it be nice to use a Taser at a family gathering where a fight breaks out because one person insulted another? Maybe a man is beating the hell out of his wife or child. When you were younger you would probably try to walk up and stand between the people arguing or fighting to get them to calm down. Now you’re a seventy-year-old man and as you walk up to engage the people fighting you are quickly brushed aside as the people involved yell and tell you to keep out old man this is not your fight. Wouldn’t it be nice to pull out the Taser and zap the biggest person involved in the fight? It is even a benefit that the other person involved in the fight with her hands on the person being tased, will also receive the benefit of the 50,000 Watts and will join in the funky chicken dance
Wouldn’t it be nice if you had a Taser when you’re out in public and you witness a man beating a woman or child with no mercy? Maybe in the past you would walked up and said something to the person beating the others. And now that you’re 70 years old and not as strong or as intimidating as when you were 30, you could pull out your Taser and zap the aggressor while telling the child being beaten to run for help and call the police.
Wouldn’t it be nice, when a group of young people terrorizing the neighborhood with threats and physical assaults, to be able to pull out your Taser and light up the biggest thug. There are no Queensberry rules on the street. So, it would be nice to quietly walk up behind the group who only sees you as an old man, and light up the biggest terrorist. By the time the rest of the group realize what’s happened, you can make your way out of the area using your old man walk while pointing the Taser at the group.
It would be nice to have a Taser in your home when you realize someone is trying to break into your house or they’re already into your house threatening you and your family. You would have the legal right to use the gun, but wouldn’t it be nice to have a Taser they could stop the intruder and anyone touching the intruder.
The use of deadly force is appropriate in many events. And the availability of a gun is always a good idea. You must realize that when you use the gun, even in the situation that allowed you to use the gun, the crook that was trying to harm you will be remembered as a good person who everybody liked. You, the shooter, will be put on trial and at least be put in front of a grand jury who can feel sorry for the person that was shot and you end up in court. Even if you’re exonerated and found not guilty the event will scar and cost you.
I know, it’s possible that the Taser could kill somebody who has a heart condition. But it is not considered as deadly force. When you use the Taser just remember that you are in fear of great bodily harm or death to yourself or others and the use of the Taser was to just stop the incident from happening.
Santa, can I have a Taser for Christmas. I will only use it to light up the world with the spirit of good over evil. I am only 70 years old and not a very intimidating figure when it comes to situations that demand a commanding presence so that others will stop what they’re doing. I just need an equalizer that doesn’t necessarily take a life but will stop anyone from harming others. Rather, it will spread the spirit of goodwill towards men even if they want to be good or not.
Ps; If you have more suggestions for the use of a Taser let me know and I will add them and republish.

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